Crazy Week = Hurt Feelings
What happens when you feel disconnected, unattractive and all around blah? This is an absolutely CRAZY week for me. I won’t go into the boring details, but I still haven’t figured out how to be three places at once, and that is exactly what I need to do. My head is spinning and it has caused a slight problem with Sir.
The other day, my head was going a million miles an hour, as I was trying to go to sleep. Sir knew this, calmly asked me to roll over onto my belly, and proceeded to give me 6 good swats across my ass. It was remarkable how it just instantly calmed me and set my mind at ease. I slept great that night.
Fast forward to last night. We had already had a play session earlier, because he was super charged. He pounded me hard, made me feel wonderfully used and he had an amazing release. As we pulled ourselves together, before our daughter found us, we teased about making sure I squirted all over the sheets, before the end of the night. I was excited and looking forward to going to bed.
When we got there, he started to explore my body with his mouth and hands. I was beginning to find that heightened space where your body and mind start to float. Suddenly, I crashed back into reality as I realized he was laughing at a show on the TV (it was on as a light source in the room). Seriously, he was actually watching TV? To say the mood changed in a HUGE understatement.
I was instantly devastated. Was he so bored that he had nothing better to do than watch reruns? Was he bored with me? Am I unable to captivate him anymore? Of course he’s bored! I am old, my body is quickly going south, there are no surprises left and he had definitely been there-done that. My mind began going wild. I know, poor me. Self-deprecation seems to be one of my first defenses.
Sir quickly picked up that something was wrong. I didn’t really want to talk about it, but he wouldn’t relent until I told him. I couldn’t get the words out before the chest heaving sobs started. He was instantly devastated. I know he didn’t mean to upset me. I know he loves me. He apologized and apologized. He wanted to make it up to me, but I was COMPLETELY done for the night. He relented and just curled around me and held me until my emotions subsided.
I am a semi-intelligent woman, who understands that I am tired, stressed and freaking out for no apparent reason. However, I still feel the hurt this morning. I hope that putting it down in words will help me release it. Must go get ready for work and another full day. Crazy, Here I Come!
photo taken from google search, unknown photographer.