Thoughts on an ever-evolving life

In a Hole

I am in a hole.
In the bottom of a deep, deep hole.
I don’t know how I got here, and I have no idea how I am going to get out.
The pressure is unimaginable.
The weight on my shoulders is crushing me to the floor.
I keep trying to stand, but I don’t have the strength to make my legs work.
So, here I stay, curled on the ground, in the bottom of this hole.
I want to cry.
I want to cry and cry and cry, but I am afraid that if I start, I won’t be able to stop.
I am afraid that my tears will flow and flood this hole I am in, and I will drown.
I don’t want to drown.
It is dark.
It is so, so dark.
It is the blackness of midnight and nothingness.
I can see a speck of light, way, way up high.
I just don’t know how to get there.
Somebody please Help.
I am in a hole.


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34 thoughts on “In a Hole

  1. A bit of a different vibe from your usual stuff… but still awesome! Kinda unsettling

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good morning, Amelia. I’m so sorry you are feeling so weighted! I too, have those days, sometimes plural. How about a hug? It won’t take the blues away, but sometimes it’s nice to know you’re not alone in your feelings. Feel free to email at agingsub@gmail.com. My ears are open.


    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear, Dear Lady. I have held everything together and maintained my emotions, until now. I could actually feel the hug as I read your kind words and now the tears flow. I REALLY don’t like this feeling, but we can’t be good all the time. Thank you for offering your time and concern. I will be just fine. I just need to work through this thing, whatever it is. I will keep your email close at hand, just in case I need the extra help though. Thank you again for your incredible kindness.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Amelia….being so vulnerable that you are free to FEEL the feelings IS good! It is isn’t always pleasant, but it is you embracing YOU! That’s all good in my book. I say feel them, see them for what they are so you can process hem and move forward. Anew.


        Liked by 1 person

      • I ABSOLUTELY agree with you. I just needed release my feelings to the universe. That alone helped. However, the out pouring of loving support is overwhelming. I feel like I have been showered with hope and kindness. The dark has nowhere to go but away. Thank you friend.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Also sending hugs to you. I hope you feel surrounded by care and concern. Feel what you need and find the outlet you need.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Professor Wild on said:

    We all fall into holes sometimes. Even the most powerful of partners cannot always anticipate the stumble, stop the fall, stop the feeling. Nor should he. We must feel, we must hurt, we must cry. For it is then that we renew our energy to strive for the light, and regain the desire to burst forth with a dazzling smile, and drive the darkness to where it belongs….in the night.

    If you are too weak to stand, then lay. I will lay with you. If you want to cry, cry, and if you fear drowning, then I will tread water with you, and never let you sink. I will see to that.

    The speck of light you see, way, way up high? You know that light comes from me. You don’t know how to get there? You needn’t worry. All you have to do is raise your hand, and you will find mine. You will ALWAYS find mine. And if you are too weak to raise your hand, then I will climb into your hole, and raise you out on my shoulders.

    Will it be easy? Will it be fast? Will it be painless? Probably not. But it IS a certainty. You WILL find the strength. You WILL reach the light. You WILL watch the tears run away and soak into the desert soil, where they may offer respite to the parched plants that bore witness to your fall. You WILL leave the hole…..

    And when you have left the hole, we shall fill it in together. Certainly there will be other holes for us both to fall into. Just as certainly, one will ALWAYS be there to help the other. Even if we fall into the same hole together, we will find a way to push one towards the light, and then the other will be pulled forth…….chasing the light, together. Driving the darkness to where it belongs…..hiding from the light of a dazzling, radiant, unstoppable smile……

    Liked by 4 people

    • I won’t express what your words mean to me here, Sir. All I will comment on is that YOU are my salvation and light EVERY DAMN DAY. I will kneel at your feet and let you know exactly how I feel, when you arrive home. Until then, I LOVE YOU more than my heart can hold and thank you for choosing me, to walk this road of life with you. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  5. My dear, I have read your post and I hope that you are now working your way out of the hole. The thing about a hole is that there is a top…there is a glimmer of light on the horizon. It’s hard when in these types of emotions to see and feel anything different than what’s happening right now but I challenge and invite you to move through….do something fun…something good for you whether you feel it or not. But most of all know that there are people like me who care about your feelings and we are here to witness your joys and sorrow….we are here for you. Be well….

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for your extremely kind words. I just needed to feel it, express it and now I can let it go. I don’t have this darkness very often, which makes it all the more unsettling for me. I have been here before and come through fighting. I will fight again and win again. Thank you again for adding the extra strength I needed via your words and kindness. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I hate dark holes. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Tada on said:

    Obviously you’ve been reading my blog too much. I’m so sorry I’m rubbing off on you. All I know is that the journey through the dark times are revelatory in hind sight. Unfortunately that’s how I learn the best. It also produces creativity in the tears, laughter in the depths, understanding in the valley and expression of love from friends that are truly concerned. We are truly concerned and we are here for you with our support and friendship. May you be comforted and lifted and loved, my friend, by our mere words and our authentic care.

    Liked by 2 people

    • What a blessing it has been to be able to have contact with so many amazing people from all over the planet. If it wasn’t for this forum, I would have never had the great fortune to meet any of you. The words you wrote have lifted me, Sir. Thank you for your care and concern. You did rub off on me. But that is NOT why I was feeling sad, that is why I am feeling BETTER. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Professor Wild on said:

    This is to all of the wonderful people who have offered their unconditional support and understanding to Miss Amelia. I dare say your kind and thoughtful words have meant as much to me as they have to her. Rest assured, she is strong, strong beyond even HER understanding, and has weathered much, much worse. I take great comfort in the support network she has, and stride forward with total confidence that she and I will both be stronger for all the “bumps and holes” we sometimes encounter. Thank you again….

    Now, I need to go find this dark hole she said needed fucked. I’m pretty sure I can help with that 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  9. I think a sliding tackle hug is in order here!

    I know this hole all to well. I clawed and climbed my way out of it and you will too. And let me tell you the view is amazing at the top. 😉
    You have a wonderful Sir that will help guide you and some pretty great friends right here. Email me anytime celestia3555@gmail.com.

    *sliding tackle hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so glad you clawed and climbed your way out too. And you are correct, the view is BEAUTIFUL! The outpouring of support has been quite overwhelming. I am at a loss for words to describe what it has meant to me. And I am NEVER at a loss for words. 🙂 I have dusted off from your sliding tackle hug and now….Let’s PLAY! Thank you, my friend. I hope to return the favor some day. XXOO

      Liked by 1 person

  10. subspeak on said:

    You made me feel so much better when I was struggling with the long time apart MJ and I were having so I really hope I can make you feel a bit better too.
    I’ve sent lots of love your way, it should be there by now, do you feel it? Hopefully I’ve made you smile a bit because I always think that’s the best way to get out of these holes, Cheshire Cat it until your feelings match your grin again 😀
    BIG BEAR HUG!!! 🐻

    Liked by 1 person

    • I Absolutely felt it, and thank you for sending it my way. My Cheshire Cat grin usually comes out when I feel this way, but I just wanted to express the sadness for some reason. I had NO IDEA it would draw this kind of attention and support. My dark has disappeared and the light has returned. Thank you for your loving response. Big Bear Hug, right back at ya! 🙂


  11. BallsyBilly on said:

    Mercy girl! Where did that come from. Quite good, but quite dark. Now that’s it out, I want my happy perverted Miss A. Back. OK?
    Btw I have big shoulders. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Cinn on said:

    I understand the need to get it out when you feel this way… Glad to read you are now in a better place.

    Liked by 2 people

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