Sunshine and Sorry
I am going to begin this post with an apology. I am SO SORRY if I upset or worried any of you with my post yesterday. That was NEVER my intention and I am truly, truly SORRY.
I was overwhelmed yesterday by a darkness. It isn’t something that I struggle with very often, but, like everyone, I occasionally have dark days. Well, yesterday began as my sunless day. I felt the need to get it out, so I sat at the computer and vomited out the words that you read on my blog. Those were the exact words, in the exact order that exited my fingers and landed on the keys, unedited and unscripted. I guess it was just what I needed to say, so I did.
I posted, went and did a wicked spin on the elliptical (damn my thighs hurt), worked up a great sweat, took a LONG shower, tried to straighten out my thoughts and decided to sit down at the computer to see what everyone else was up to. My jaw dropped at the words I read on my page. The outpouring of support was overwhelming. I started to read the second comment, and the flood gates opened. I shook and sobbed as I continued reading. I don’t actually even know these people, yet they were here, encouraging, supporting, comforting and loving me out of my dark. I don’t think I have ever had anyone I actually know in person make me feel that safe, secure and cared for. (Except Sir and my kids, of course) The dark began to lift.
Then, the comment from Professor came. You see, he knew something was bothering me, but I brushed it off like nothing and sent him about his day. He had no idea I was struggling like I was. His words washed over me, enveloped me and sent me into another flood of tears. But this time, I knew that He and everyone else, was helping me tread water, pulling me up by a rope and cheering as I moved closer and closer to the light. It is truly amazing how you can feel SO low, SO helpless and see SO much dark and then suddenly, it gets brighter and brighter and the colors return and again, your heart is filled with light and love. So my dear, dear friends, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all the love and support you sent me yesterday. This world is a truly wonderful, wonderful place.
Now quit worrying about me and go FUCK SOMEBODY! 🙂