Hello all. You don’t hear from me much, but I am Miss Amelia’s Professor. Funny, that title “professor”, brings up images of a spectacled, gray haired patriarch, ready and able to imbibe great knowledge and wisdom on those who would seek it. If you read Miss Amelia’s last post, you know that while I am turning gray and find myself in desperate need of my glasses, I am still very much learning what it means to be wise.
You may have heard the story of how we got started in a whole new way of living and interacting as a couple. It was not something we actively thought to seek – it presented itself in a most unexpected way. But prior to that, something in the strength and momentum of our life and relationship had been changing, growing. Amelia recognized it before I did, a restlessness, a need, a desire, to be more, feel more, to be completely free and happy with who we were as individuals, and as an incredibly committed, loving couple. In an instant, we were off, on a wild ride experiencing a whole host of new feelings and emotions. Amelia says in hindsight, she drug me along for the ride, and that was her mistake. Make absolutely no mistake about it, no one drug me anywhere that I did not go completely willingly. I went more slowly, more cautiously, more uncertain than my Amelia. I also made many mistakes. Oh, but I went so willingly, and found love and power and beauty and satisfaction beyond anything I could have imagined.
But I was also ignorant, of many facets to this new place we were in. I fell down, unable to provide what was my job alone to provide. I thought, we were living OUR lifestyle, not THE lifestyle. All I needed to know was what worked for her and I, and my naiveté eventually caught up with us. Amelia was left feeling forgotten, crushed by the realization that I was making what seemed like the same mistakes over again. She ended up feeling that this new place was never something I wanted, but only something I did for her. I see very clearly now how she was made to feel that way.
But this WAS something I wanted. And while the intense physicality of our relationship was a very important part of our new way of being, there were many, many other pieces, things that in their collective totality were every bit as meaningful. I’d like to do my part to help protect some of these other pieces.
One of those pieces, as you all have seen, is that Amelia became a writer. Something she was not before a year or so ago. I was the writer in the family – a tiny, tiny body of published things behind me, and grand plans to write for the future. But Amelia took to it with such grace and ease. It took me quite by surprise, and made me swell with pride. It also gives her deep satisfaction and fulfillment. Our collaborations brought us closer and closer together. It has truly been amazing.
Another thing that happened along the way was we both met an incredible array of people, people with lives and problems and worries and cares, just like us. Sometimes radically different, sometimes much the same, but almost without exception, they have been supportive, constructive, helpful, and sometimes downright life-saving individuals. It is one of the things that has brought Amelia the most joy. Writing, commenting, creating friendships, knowing there were those would listen, and not judge. Reaching people who would encourage, support, and impart wisdom of their own. It has been a most wondrous, beautiful thing.
My lack of wisdom allowed things to happen, things that made Amelia seriously consider my ability to do and be what I professed to wanting to do and be. Thus, she was compelled to write and publish her most recent post. But there is at least one thing about me that is perhaps a good quality. I am stubborn. I also love and cherish my wife beyond my capacity to fully grasp. Hence, if it is time for a reboot, then we will reboot. What our life will look like in the future, neither of us has fully figured out and might not for some time. But we are committed to figuring it out. I am stubbornly committed to us figuring it out.
One thing is certain. I cannot sit idly by and let the things that brought us both so much joy fade. Whether on this blog, or another, Amelia will continue to write. It might not be today, or tomorrow. And it might be of a different flavor. But life is entirely too short, to let something so meaningful go, and I know that she doesn’t want to. We both will need some time to readjust, to figure out this reboot. But we WILL figure it out.
Ah, and then there are the new boots. They can take you to the same places your old boots did, and sometimes they can take you someplace new. I hope all of you wonderful people we have gotten to know will continue to follow along in boots of your own. As always, my deepest thanks to all who have supported My Amelia, my Everything.