Thoughts on an ever-evolving life

Shouldn’t/Should Have

Blog Post-5-10-2016-Shouldn't Should Have (1)

I shouldn’t have made you my friend
I shouldn’t have made you even more
I shouldn’t want to hear you, see you, taste you, touch you
But I do.
I should have turned you away
I should have never let you get under my skin
I should have protected my heart, my thoughts and my desire from your invasion
But I didn’t.
I shouldn’t want to kiss you
I shouldn’t want to wrap my legs around you
I shouldn’t want to kneel in front of you and offer myself to you
But I do.
I should have been stronger
I should have been more steadfast in my convictions
I should have listened to all those voices that said you weren’t good for me and would break my heart
But I didn’t.

Blog Post-5-10-2016-Shouldn't Should Have (2)


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31 thoughts on “Shouldn’t/Should Have

  1. A way of living, learning and growing. Sometimes it is good while other times it is painful. With the latter we become a better person.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. no regrets ever! xo

    Liked by 2 people

    • No Ma’am! EVER!! Definitely some foggy memories, but no regrets. 😉


    • Gave Up On Heaven Long Ago on said:

      No regrets? In the friendliest way I’ll say that seems like an unrealistic conclusion for someone who has live fully, taken risks and run headlong into the night. Maybe I’m just projecting though. I have plenty of regrets, opportunities lost, misguided directions and countless dreams of another chance. Yet I’ve also sat on top of the world. The two are not mutually exclusive.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think the definition of regret is where we are having a bit of a difference. Have things happened in my life that I wish had been different? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY!! Would I go back and change them if I could? No. Why you might ask? Because even if they were shitty, horrible, life changing mistakes, they still made me, ME! I’m not always happy with me, but the Bitch sure does have a few fine qualities to add to this world. I would bet that all your “mistakes” have made you a pretty special person too. 🙂


      • Gave Up On Heaven Long Ago on said:

        I completely understand where you’re coming from. Our failures mold who we are just as much as our victories. We agree on that. Unlike you however, I actually wish I could go back and change some of my failures, not so much because I want to be molded differently, but because those failures often hurt other people. In addition, I admit I would want to change the course of my own life some too, realizing only too late the true cost of the mistakes I’ve made. Perhaps I’m just not in the comfortable place, secure that where I am is where I was meant to be.

        Liked by 1 person

      • What I meant by no regrets was to not have any. If we are open to it we learn from everything we experience, whether those experiences good or bad. It’s all about what we make of it. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sir, I think we all end up exactly where we are meant to be. Who knows what the future brings. I guarantee there will be happiness, sorrow, laughter and tears. The time between the pleasure and the pain is life. I wish you SO much more pleasure than pain, but alas, the pain will come. (It will make me tingle if the pain comes in the form of a crop across my ass though. 😉 xoxo)


  3. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all ~ is it? Hell no.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Heartbreakingly beautiful, Ms.A.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Definitely been there. It’s so very difficult to make oneself so vulnerable, only to be rejected or taken advantage of. I suppose those circumstances are ones that truly shape our character, positively if we allow them. No less difficult, though. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Aawesome writing. Beautiful and so damn sad. This may be your masterpiece. I loved every word. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. BallsyBilly on said:

    What can I say? I grow on ya! 🙂 Love your words 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Gave Up On Heaven Long Ago on said:

    That you say you should not have tells me you have a conscience, even if your passions overpower it. Stick with your conscience when you can, and ask yourself for forgiveness later when you can’t. Those who preach we should control our passions have passions mild enough to control.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes Sir, I think I must agree with you here. Sometimes our desires drive us to cross lines that our conscience would never let us near. We always have our reasons, but they don’t always equal an excuse. Self forgiveness has to be your only solace and your ultimate punishment.


  9. vampiricdruid aka Jonathan on said:

    These words sound like they came from my very soul!!!! POWERFUL,EMOTIONALLY PERFECT…… EVERYTHING I WANTED TO SAY BUT NEVER DID….. 😣😔💯


    • WOW! What a compliment! I am SO pleased that you could enjoy and relate to my thoughts. It’s funny how similar our thoughts and experiences really are. I hope to see you around here more often. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • vampiricdruid aka Jonathan on said:

        That is so true… And I promise, once I’ve found the right words to say everything that needs saying: I will be around a lot more….
        But in a nutshell: life,love (and the lack thereof),heartbreak and everything in between has

        Liked by 1 person

      • vampiricdruid aka Jonathan on said:

        …Has been in the way and I needed a serious break from everything to find myself again because in losing my heart, I had lost MYSELF in the process and it nearly broke me.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I see you being able to say that as a sign you are beginning to heal. Heartbreak can do just that, break you, but you will eventually find the strength and desire to move on. Don’t live in the memory of the past, especially since we usually remember things the way we wish they had been instead of actually how they were. xoxo


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