missameliaandsir

Thoughts on an ever-evolving life

To Hell and Back: The Other Woman

Blog Post-7-19-2016-To Hell and Back-The Other Woman 2

In the greater scheme of my life, the woman my husband slept with has become completely insignificant to me.  I have not uttered a word to her since the morning before she slept with my husband, and I never will again.  Oh, it’s been hard not to tell her EXACTLY what I think sometimes.  I did write a post about her on March 28, https://missameliaandsir.wordpress.com/2016/03/28/it-took-nerve-to/ .  It was actually not so much about her, but an outlet for some of my anger and frustrations. She has continued to attempt to insert herself into our lives several times since.  I don’t even care to go into much detail, as I am refusing to give her ANY power anymore.  I am going to move forward and have no regrets leaving her in my dust trail.

The relationship between all of us was very long, 30+ years between Professor and her and 20+ years between her and I, and full of many ups and downs.  She was recently served divorce papers from her husband on their 30th wedding anniversary.  She has been spiraling ever since.  In my post, you will read about a few of the actions she has taken that I have had a very hard time with, fucking my husband of course being the most disturbing.

Professor has completely removed her from his life too.  It’s funny, but I feel kind of bad about that.  Not many people have a 30+ year friendship to talk about.  He has never once complained about it though.  He has done everything to show me that I am his priority and she was just a one night drunk fuck.

I am sure she will continue to pop up in our lives.  She sent me a text the morning after everything happened, while my husband was on his way to find me.  It said, “Sorry.  Hope we can talk about it soon.”  Six weeks later she sent an email outlining all the things she thought that I had done wrong, informing me that she had already apologized and wouldn’t be doing it again.  I kind of thought that 20+ years of friendship deserved more than a 30 character text.  I knew right then, without a doubt, I was DONE!  She has been telling people bold face lies about me, but at this point, if they choose to believe her, whatever.  She sent another email about a month and a half ago, informing us that she had no desire to ever speak with us again and wanted nothing to do with us ever.  Of course, she sent this email while sitting on my father-in-law’s couch.  She had driven 9 hours down to where he lived to spend a weekend.  They only knew each other via my husband, but she thought this was appropriate.  He called Professor after she left and informed him that she was crazy.  I just want her to go away and stay away.

What I have learned from all of this is that you need to pay close attention to who your REAL friends are.  I hadn’t been happy with her in my life for a very long time, but I maintained the friendship for my husband.  He had just accepted her and her husband for who they were, and I tried very hard to do the same.  However, I never got anything of real value back, and am now sorry that I wasted all those years trying to nurture something that didn’t deserve it.  It’s important to do things and accept some things just because they are important to your spouse, but make sure you don’t do it at the expense of your marriage or yourself.

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37 thoughts on “To Hell and Back: The Other Woman

  1. “Persona non grata henceforth”

    Think, remember, live it. But feel sorrow, not hate. Hate only gives her the power. Sorrow allows you to rebuild and live your life in contrast.

    Liked by 4 people

    • You are absolutely right Sir. I really don’t have hate for her. I actually feel kind of sorry for her because she is spiraling so out of control and has alienated a large number of her friends and family. However, I will no longer be the one running to her side to help. She burned that bridge completely down with all her selfish choices. I can’t even say that I am so sad at the loss of her friendship. It had been very one sided for a long time. I have found relief in eliminating her from my “to do” list. Thank you for being so supportive and such a bright spot in my life. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wise words, my dear friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry that you had to experience all of that. I hope that you are on the mend, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so sorry that this has been a part of your life my friend. You have handled yourself with grace and honesty in what can only imagine is an incredibly painful situation. Thank you for sharing. Wise words.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I must say that I wish it hadn’t been a part of my life, but all the wishing in the world won’t make it so. It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced, but I have tried to put it into perspective. My husband fucked another woman. Nobody died. Nothing material was lost. My heart was broken, but didn’t stop. By remembering these things, I can survive anything and learn from it. Thank you for being so loving, kind and supportive. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  5. That is one the of the best Meme I have read in my life.

    Bravo. The last paragraph summed it up appropriately. Some friendships aren’t worth nurturing. And sometimes, our spouses don’t make the best decisions over who should be a treasured friend. The marriage should always be the first priority and that includes when deciding which friendships to keep (or bring into a marriage).

    More importantly. I hope each day you find a little more comfort in your life and a little less pain. You deserve happiness.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I saw that Meme and just HAD to use it! We have talked and developed some systems to use for choosing friends in the future. He definitely messed up that one night, but had worked every day since to prove that our marriage is, and always will be, first priority. I am definitely finding my happiness again, and with friends like you, that will just get easier and easier. XOXOXO

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Great post… And this can happen with let’s say a bff… They can be negative, and needy, but one tolerates it and their drama because you somehow feel you can “save ” them and you owe them because you are friends, but in reality these people can take you down with them and suck you dry. In the end, it’s best to cut off all ties and never look back.. I can relate to that aspect of it. Keep going forward in your positive way 😃

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so very much. A few months ago I would have called her my bff, even though she never really earned that title. Removing her has been one of the most freeing things I have ever experienced. I had felt the stress for a very long time, and having that gone is a great relief. Thank you for sharing and I am sorry that you can relate to this in any way. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. My Mother in law, who at ninety four felt the need to ask me if I would stay if her son strayed; just once in a drunken stupidity. On my reply she wagged her finger lifted brows and said ” A drunked fumble doesn’t destroy a good marriage. But if they become friends that is when problems occur”. A wise wise woman was she.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am sad that your blog wont allow me to follow …

    Liked by 1 person

  9. WP.Andrew on said:

    Wow what a powerful Post, she’s the archetypal narcissist/manipulator isn’t she.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. well you know the situation with my sil and how all that went down… initially i had some very similar feelings as you, being sorry for the wasted years, lack of apology, etc…

    then somewhere along the way i realized i wasn’t sorry, i wasn’t even mad at her but perhaps more hurt that what i had put into the relationship wasn’t reciprocated. it’s like we talked about before, we treat others how we wanted to be treated and when we aren’t we tend to feel slighted in some way. the problem with that logic is kindness is a free act and not one to be bartered. if we can’t give it without expecting it in kind then it wasn’t given with the right intentions. with that realization i understood the pain i felt wasn’t even so much directed at her but at myself.

    so i’ve taken a new attitude, i still treat others how i want to be treated because it makes me feel good to do so not because i have an expectation for them to do the same. that being said, i also don’t accept bad behavior and make it a point to set the precedence straight away of what i am willing to accept and how i will allow someone to treat me.

    the fact of the matter is you can’t invest 20+ years into a relationship and regret it. all that does is cause pain and resentment. i have some great fucking memories with her and i won’t let what happened take those away. i’ve just accepted that we won’t be making anymore together. i also had to accept the apology i never received and forgive someone who wasn’t sorry. those were harder to do but it is possible and i know you are on your way. love you girlie and your strength. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  11. It sounds like you and your husband have made a choice to stay together and stay strong. I’m so happy for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. OMG! This is what you were referring to in my post… wow! I’m so sorry! Well, at least you and your hubby can get past this and not allow it to destroy your future. It is a difficult thing to live through but I’m betting you are much stronger now!! Rock on!~

    Liked by 1 person

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