missameliaandsir

Thoughts on an ever-evolving life

Lots of Love

Blog Post-8-4-2016-Lots of Love

Polyamory is a hoax!  There is no such thing!  It’s not real!

Is this what you think?  I did too, but not anymore.

From a very young age, in stories and fairy tales, we are taught that every person has one true love.  Religion tells us that you must give your heart to only one person too.  But the stories and the prophesiers are partially wrong.  Just look around.

When we love, we open new accounts for each person, without having to withdraw from another account to do so.  As a child, you have an account for your parents.  More than likely, a separate account for each of them.  Sometimes one account seems to carry a slightly lower balance than the other, but they are still completely separate currencies.  Other family members have their own accounts, as do friends, none stealing from one to fill the other.

When we have children, they each have their own accounts too.  When I gave birth to my son, I couldn’t imagine EVER loving someone like I loved him.  When I became pregnant with my daughter, I actually feared that I wouldn’t love her like I did my first born.  When she arrived, I quickly learned that was NOT the case.  I loved that little girl with my whole heart too.  But, how could that be when my heart already felt completely filled by my son?  Easy, new account!  I have always told my children that I don’t love them equally, I love them both uniquely.  They don’t pull from the same account, so there is no competition for my affection.

Now, romantic love is different, right?  My heart only belongs to one man, forever and always.  This is true, and false.  My life hostage for ever and ever more is my husband.  He is the father to my children.  The other half of my whole.  The one I turn to with the best of news, and the worst.  He is a forever pain in my ass, but I LOVE Him like no other.  We were made for each other and nothing will ever change that.

However, I am completely in love with another man too.  He makes me smile.  He brings me such joy.  He challenges me.  He excites me and he drives me completely insane too.  Most would say this is disloyal to my husband, and in the past I would have too, but why?  This love hasn’t taken one thing away from my husband.  He still owns me body and soul like all lifetime committed partners should.  I have just been blessed to have had another account added to my bank that makes me happy and fulfills another part of my complete being.

If all this is true, then why is polyamory wrong?  What are your thoughts?  I’d love some constructive conversation on this subject.

 

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35 thoughts on “Lots of Love

  1. This is some we have discovered more recently as well. As long as all parties know about each other and are open to the love there is nothing wrong with it. It can add a new level of love and trust between you and your husband. Keep the lines of communication open and if something feels uncomfortable talk through it.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I couldn’t agree with you more Sir. We are finding that it is only strengthening our relationship together. I know for those who haven’t experienced this, that won’t make a lot of sense. It wouldn’t have to me either, but it SURE does now. All parties are completely open, honest and have the freedom to speak their mind. As with any relationship, there have been bumps, but the openness has allowed us to navigate them better than any other relationship I have ever had. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m not sure but I think I agree

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s ok if you don’t agree. I hope that I explained that clearly. For some, polyamory isn’t an option, and that’s ok too. I would have never thought it was for me until it happened. At first, I didn’t even want to call it love, because I was only supposed to love my husband. It was actually my husband that brought it to my attention. He said it was a beautiful thing to watch his wife fall in love with another man. That meant more to me than I have words for. Just love, however it looks for you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Your description is an enlightening one, Amelia. I think, in my brain, the only hang up I have is in this: if the accounts begin to feel off balance, it can upset the entire bank. It can make it combust and be no more, even with the best of communication, because our feelings sometimes do things our brains would like them not to do. How we think is how we feel, right? Yes, except when we want something really badly in the moment, our thinking rationalizes and does icky things that fucks things up later. No matter how hard we try, it can still happen; it’s a risk.

    Intimate relationships are unique, I believe. We expect our significant others to fulfill needs, and for them to need us in specific ways, ones that only an intimate relationship can fulfill. When we open another account, what if that other person begins to fulfill that need even if we don’t want them to? Even if we try and decide consciously that we won’t allow them to. But they do. They begin to overlap, or even take over in places the other does not want them to, and even we don’t want them to. But they do. Then what? I don’t know, just my thinking process.

    It’s been a discussion at our house. More than once. We get stuck there, every time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Trust me when I say that every concern you just described has been a concern here, and discussed in great length. As with many things in life, the fear of opening Pandora’s Box is always there. Emotions are the BIGGEST factor. What we have found is that our communication has increased and deepened in the most unexpected and beautiful way. To share such incredible intimacy with another person is amazing. And that intimacy doesn’t have anything to do with sex. My other love absolutely fills a need in me that my husband doesn’t, otherwise why? Understanding, discussing and accepting this has allowed Professor and I to grow in a deeper way. This isn’t for everyone, and we all hold the STOP card, meaning that anyone can step away from this and that means that EVERYONE must step away. I’m not naive enough to think that we will never experience some catastrophic moments, but I am secure enough to know that we have some skills and the dedication to work through them. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this. Having recently had to explain to several people my view on polyamory/open relationships etc, this is such a great way to explain it and I’m pretty sure I’ll borrow it when I’m explaining to the next person.

    I do think we (as a society) are getting a little better at accepting non-traditional relationships. While I couldn’t begin to explain to some of my family how my marriage works, a lot of my friends are perfectly aware of it and are very accepting – incredibly curious, but accepting all the same. Eventually I think we’ll get there and it won’t be the strange and sometimes unacceptable situation that it is today, tho it’s a fair way off yet!

    As far as I’m concerned, if it’s consensual and not hurting anyone else, then where’s the issue? 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I would be thrilled if you used my explanation to describe this special relationship. I also agree that I believe things are changing in society, but there will always be those that feel there is one way, and one way only, to live. For them, if that works, GREAT! Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Opening the dialogue is the first step to growth and enlightenment for everyone.

      Like

  5. WP.Andrew on said:

    I know I’m a sometimes juvenile ‘commenter’ (I love sex Posts for my sins, they both excite and interest me in equal parts) but being serious for a second, I’ve often wondered how persons in a three way relationship cope with jealousy……. sexual jealousy must be a tremendously powerful perhaps destructive emotion, I don’t actually know of course and a Church wedding vow is so specific, two adults same sex or other, then again I DON’T believe in God so never judge other people’s lives, lol live and let live, each to their own is fine…….and my sexual history is littered with Hookers anyway :/

    I hope you don’t mind me writing that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t mind any comments based on your truth. Safe, Sane and Consensual are my only requirements. Jealousy is something you can find in any situation between anyone. I can be totally jealous of her shoes, his job or their relationship. I am lucky enough to be married to a man and have a relationship where jealousy hasn’t been a real issue. Open communication and complete transparency has helped with that. Our wedding vows mean everything to me and I am 100% committed to my husband and our marriage. Some would not think that true, but my heart, body and soul tell me it is. This other relationship is separate and doesn’t jeopardize my marriage at all. If I thought it did, I would play my STOP card in a heartbeat. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • WP.Andrew on said:

        EllenL best describes my feelings 🙂 ‘very accepting and incredibly curious’, and you are right of course people can be jealous of another persons power fame fortune luck beauty, perhaps jealousy was the wrong word, either way I’m incredibly fascinated. TY 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you for contributing to the discussion. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  6. A tough conversation. One person can provide emotional support while another fulfills the physical. I think the “wrong” of this depends on the people involved. If people are open minded adults, there is nothing wrong. And in fact this can be good for a marriage that may have gone stale.

    Liked by 1 person

    • In my case, the love has nothing to do with fulfilling a physical need. My husband does that VERY well. He fulfills other needs in me. Let me be very clear that I could and am, more than happy and fulfilled by my husband, in all ways. This is just a bonus account that has added to my life in the most delicious way. If I wasn’t happy and complete within my marriage, I don’t think this would work at all. And I totally agree with you, nothing wrong with a little spice every now and again. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • Oh, I wasn’t implying anything. Sorry if I gave you or anyone else that impression.

        I have blogging friends who can give me the creative and writing support my wife could never give me.

        But a little spice (even if its just flirting) can add so much pleasure to our days and in the end, they help keep our own relationships fresh.

        xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

      • No. Sorry if you thought I was upset in any way. I wan’t. I was just trying to clarify for everyone that I did not find this additional love in order to fill something that was missing. It is a lot like your description of your creative and writing support. I know your wife is incredibly important to you, and gives you love and encouragement, but those other friends give you a beautiful addition to that love and support. And yes, spice adds very much. I love to flirt and be flirted with. It leaves all parties feeling good, and that can’t be a bad thing, right? 😉 xoxoxo

        Like

  7. So, do you and this other person have sex or is that just for your husband? I think we could love more than one person, but, honestly for me, I wouldn’t want any more drama… One is enough for me lol! I know he wouldn’t want to “share ” me or me him.
    I know there are some couples more open in their relationships, and if it works for them, fine, but, not every couple is made for it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • COMPLETELY agree. This definitely isn’t for everyone. It wouldn’t have been for me in the past either. But now, I have found a different place in my relationship that I didn’t know existed before. That place has clear communication, total honesty and complete transparency. Without that, this wouldn’t work at all. As for your question about sex, yes we have in the past, but this isn’t about the sex. It’s about a connection and emotional intimacy, not a physical one. He is one of my best friends, a confidant, and a safe place for me to turn in a storm. To me, that is priceless and worth SO MUCH MORE than a fuck. Thank you so much for your thoughts. I truly appreciate your comments. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. i don’t think polyamory is wrong maybe more so that it is not for everyone. monogamy hasn’t always been the relationship standard. there are theories that it came about because of wars, because of blood lines, because of disease, etc… and i’m sure some truth can be found in all of those things. i think now though as people allow themselves to not only become more emotionally intelligent but to stop denying or shutting down the unexplained or confusing feelings they some times have and instead explore them they are seeing that it is possible to love more than one person intimately. and as you’ve stated it doesn’t take away from the other relationships. in my situation it has enhanced the one i have with my husband.

    people talk a lot about jealousy and how that would manifest. i think whats important to know is that jealousy stems from fear and so you have to ask yourself what are you afraid of. once you can pinpoint what your fears are you can work towards alleviating those fears. it takes open communication, patience, and love. all things that should be present in a monogamous relationship i might add. xo

    Liked by 2 people

  9. BallsyBilly on said:

    Having been in polyamory relationships on and off for most of my adult life, I’m obviously am all for it 🙂
    I agree that it may not be for everyone but for us that are in a polyamory relationship, or have been, it can be a wonderful full filling experience.
    I truly love my wife and have done so for going on 39 years. The other women I’ve loved have only deepened my love for her.
    There has never been any jealously and she has always approved or it wouldn’t happen.
    As long as you are open, honest and trust worthy it can be very beautiful.
    We are all capable loving many! As you say, “just open another account!”
    Btw I loved that saying and I have much love for you. ❤ 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  10. LittleBoPeep12 on said:

    Wrong….right….. mono……poly…… how about we focus instead on supportive, healthy relationships, and honest, open communication with our partners in whatever form that takes? Glad to hear you are exploring this with your partners 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I love this. This is almost how I try to explain it. If you can have multiple friends, siblings, parents, children and feel equally among each set, then why wouldn’t that apply to romantic and sexual relationships as well?

    Like

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