Just thought I would give a quick update of where I was in controlling my crazy.
I’m FUCKING GREAT!!!
Don’t misunderstand, life is NOT perfect, but it is so much better. Finally discovering and admitting that I was suffering from depression was a serious blow to everything I thought about myself and my life. I have discovered that I am NOT super-human. I am NOT invincible. I do NOT have to meet every need of every person I ever come in contact with. I can NOT do everything by myself. I do NOT have to say yes to every request for my time and attention.
I have learned that I CAN say no. I AM a good person even when I do say no. I CAN ask for help and accept it when I need it, even when I don’t. I AM perfect with all my imperfections. I AM a good person and I deserve good things.
There have been steps backwards and will be hard times ahead, but for the first time in a LONG time, I’m ready to face them. The recent election has proven that to me. The results broke my heart, but they didn’t break me. In fact, they only increased my resolve to continue to get stronger and fight harder.
My marriage has taken a turn for the better too. My husband NEVER left my side, but things did get really rough. Whenever we tried to address anything, my body reacted by going to sleep, sometimes mid-conversation. It was my brains response to feeling overwhelmed. Now, we are talking as deep as, if not deeper than we ever have and I have no need to snore mid-sentence.
I wanted to share this because so many of you have contacted me and sent such warmth and love, that I wanted the opportunity to say thank you and let you know your wishes have only helped me recover and grow stronger. It is wonderful how love can provide so much more strength than hate ever could.
For anyone that might be suffering from depression or just feeling out of control and heavy, GET HELP!! You are NOT crazy, you are just sick. I think mental illness is better understood now than at any other point in history, but there is still a resistance to address is openly by many, including me. Just because my illness was in my head, doesn’t make it any less damaging than if I had cancer or a major traumatic injury. Know you are NOT alone and there IS help out there. If you don’t find it in the first place you look for help, keep looking. Life can be better, happy and worth living again, PROMISE!!
So THANK YOU to everyone out there for reading, commenting, loving and supporting me through this. Now I’m finally feeling ready to getting back to the TRULY important things, writing fun, sexy stories! 🙂