Life keeps happening. It keeps happening no matter what your plans are or how much you could REALLY use a break. It happens no matter what you want or what you think you deserve. It happens, and we just have to embrace it and roll with the punches.
I have wanted to write for SO LONG now, but life has seemed to preempt any attempts that I have made to do just that. Today, I am going to tell life to kiss my ass for the next ten minutes so I can get this done. I use my blog as a sort of cathartic place to rant and as a virtual diary of my life.
Dear Blog Diary,
I am feeling better, but have still had some struggles lately. I don’t feel like I did when I was living in the deep darkness, but I have been overwhelmed. I know everyone feels this from time to time, but I must admit, when it happens to me, I get really scared that I am getting sick again. So, that is the first thing I must deal with.
My daughter came to her father and I and informed us that she has been purging. I couldn’t breathe. How did I not know? How could this have happened? What did I do wrong? I have realized that I did nothing wrong, missed nothing and can only adjust and move forward from here. Turns out, she was harboring a LOT of anger toward her father and I, and she felt abandoned and unloved. That, I did do. Not on purpose, as I was drowning in my own darkness, but I wasn’t communicating openly with her and she turned it into feelings of abandonment and lack of caring. With the help of therapy, TONS of talking, and an abundance of love, I am happy to say we are ALL doing better. We will continue to monitor and seek professional help, but she is on the way to recovery and we are on the way to being an even stronger family. Oh, and she had her first car accident. Scared the shit out of me, but everyone was fine and all vehicles are fixed and running again.
My son has lost his job. Well, not technically until the end of the term, but they have cut his program from the budget. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this will only lead to bigger and better things for him. He is an incredibly bright young man and will find a way to succeed, no matter what life throws at him.
Work is work. Crazy, busy, unpredictable and exhausting. However, for the first time in a couple of years, I come home exhausted, but not in tears, so that’s a positive, right?
A rough winter has led to several new additions to the To Do List. Ice dams caused leaks in the roof. Roof shedding took out a fence. The heaving of ice and snow pushed out several joist supports on the deck. And the holes in the chicken coops and play house must be fixed. Mother Nature was a REAL BITCH this year.
My marriage is better than EVER! We have been to hell and back this past year and come out of it stronger and more connected. I wasn’t sure we could ever resume our D/s, but we are both finding it to actually be easier and deeper than ever before. Thank you for sticking with me Sir.
Like I said, not much time for writing, but some juicy stuff in process. I know what I want to write, now to just find the time. My mind has been full, but just as dirty and disturbing as ever.
We have also had WONDERFUL things happening, Trips with friends, another friend, who battles with depression and PTSD that is winning his battle, A London trip in the future. Life is really good. Crazy, but REALLY GOOD! All for now, I must get ready to see friends!