For the first time in a LONG time, I am feeling like writing. I think finding some peace in my life, looking for inspiration, and having some extra Covid related time has helped. It has allowed me to write new pieces and revisit some older, unfinished works. Why am I telling you this? I am attempting to stave off any concerns about anything I may post in the future. Some things will be current, and express my life experiences. Some things, will be inspired by the experiences of others. Other posts will be nothing more than my mind wandering, finding inspiration in a single word, or just plain old making up shit to write. I have been enjoying rereading some of my older posts too. Sometimes, I don’t even remember writing them, but the feelings and emotions I was experiencing at the time are felt again. It’s a very comforting way to continue my personal healing. If you have any remarks, observations, or questions about anything I post, feel free to comment or contact me. Always happy to share opinions and thoughts. Be Happy and Take care of yourselves!
I realized today that I haven’t written anything since March 1. 2020 sure has turned out to be a Crazy Year. If it had been a movie, written in the 80’s, it would have been a flop because it would be considered too outlandish. Well folks, it’s our current reality.
We are lucky, our family has come through most of it unscathed. I know others haven’t been as fortunate, and that truly hurts my heart. I wish all those who have suffered, or are suffering nothing but better days ahead.
I have been battling some of my personal demons along the way. Depression is a real asshat. I’m lucky. I have medication and a strong support team, not to mention I am a stubborn ass that won’t let it break me. Doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days, but who doesn’t? I try and find the good, or at least the lesson with every trial that comes my way.
Professor and I are celebrating 25 years of marriage this month. We had BIG plans, but they have been pared down to a lovely couple-day get away together. I must admit, I feel unbelievably lucky to be married to my best friend. We have seen the very best and worst that life has to offer. I can honestly say that I love him so much more today than I did the day I married him. I still think he’s Supper Hot too!! Not a bad thing after 25 years! 😉
That’s it for now. Sending out love and laughter to everyone.
It’s Christmas Eve. The tree twinkles with white lights. The stockings hang awaiting their bounty. Gifts are wrapped, cookies baked and the smells of Christmas waft through the rooms. Everyone is scurrying around doing last minute chores, shopping or wrapping, except me. I sit her at my computer, wanting to give thanks and put into words, how I’m feeling this Holiday.
Four years ago, on Christmas, I ran away from home. I felt lost, desperate, confused, and I hate to admit, but suicidal. I fled in the middle of the night, with nowhere to go, so I found myself checking into a hotel just down the road from my house, where my family slept. I can remember climbing into the bed in that room, and closing my eyes, hoping to never awaken. Thankfully, I did.
I awoke to the phone ringing in my room. It was the front desk telling me there was someone in the lobby, claiming to be my husband, that wanted to see me. I told them I’d be right down. Apparently, when he woke and found me gone, he had spent the night attempting to find me and finally tracked my credit card to the hotel. We talked. Can’t say we accomplished anything except he made it crystal clear that he would NOT leave me alone until I came home. So, I did, arriving before anyone else was awake and all still oblivious of my insanity flight the night before.
I tell this story because I have come out the other side of that and am feeling blessed and my heart is full again. It’s taken a Ton of work, even more tears and a willingness on everyone’s part to pick up, move forward and heal. Mostly, it’s been up to me to change the dialogue in my head. It never mattered what anyone said to me or about me, I was instantly ready to give a list of the reasons that I was ugly, bad and unworthy. Some of that negative self-talk came from what others had said to me, but mostly it was about what I had told myself. While that nasty voice still rears its ugly head, I have learned things I can do to quiet its ass quickly now.
I have a husband I wouldn’t have survived without. My two kids are my entire world and I couldn’t be prouder of them. I am still a bit estranged from my mom, but I guess we are working on it, so that’s something. And I have a group of friends that will call me on my bullshit, give me their sleeve to wipe away my tears and hold my hair after a night out of nothing but fun and laughter. What more could anyone ask for?
So, I am going to enjoy the remainder of today and tomorrow, celebrating with my family. After that, I have no idea what will happen, but I do know that I am excited about the possibilities and look forward to the adventure. Merry Christmas to you and yours and may 2020 be your BEST YEAR Yet!!
Finding the time to write anything recently has been almost impossible. I found myself with a few free minutes between quarters of the football game, and decided to at least do a quick check in.
Just returned from moving my daughter 3000 miles away to college. I will miss her desperately, but it is EXACTLY where she needs to be and is already thriving and finding success. Will be needing to sell a couple kidneys, part of my liver and possibly a lung or two to pay for it, but it’s TOTALLY worth it.
Right before that, I had a pleasant surprise come my way. My Bestie was coming to visit, but found out work was sending her to Florida for a few days. She invited me to tag along. After more discussion, we decided to each bring our kiddos and make it a getaway for the four of us, before the two of them both went off to college. To say we had fun would be a HUGE understatement. We ate AMAZING food, walked through sudden panty drenching rainstorm, held alligators, went on airboat ride through the Everglades, did an Escape room, ate at Medieval Times, saw Blue Man Group, rode a 400 foot Ferris wheel, spent a day at Universal Islands of Adventure and ended the trip with a day at Discovery Cove swimming with dolphins. DEFINITELY a trip we will NEVER Forget!
Spent the rest of the summer traveling and hanging at home. Trips included Arizona, Montana, California, Idaho, California again, Arizona again, Montana again, Florida, Georgia and additional trips for my kids to California and China.
Hopefully, things will slow a bit now. Getting back into a routine feels good. Although, I’m ALWAYS looking for my next adventure.
So much more I’d like to write, but out of time again. Hope everyone is well, happy and living your best life.
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