missameliaandsir

Thoughts on an ever-evolving life

Archive for the category “Marriage”

I Don’t Know…

Blog Post-4-6-2017-I don't know...I don’t know
What I have done
To deserve you
In my life

I will ensure
Whatever it takes
To be worthy
In your eyes

I can’t fathom
What stars aligned
To bring your light
Into my darkness

I shall provide
Whatever you desire
To be given
In my submission

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Life

Life keeps happening. It keeps happening no matter what your plans are or how much you could REALLY use a break. It happens no matter what you want or what you think you deserve. It happens, and we just have to embrace it and roll with the punches.

I have wanted to write for SO LONG now, but life has seemed to preempt any attempts that I have made to do just that. Today, I am going to tell life to kiss my ass for the next ten minutes so I can get this done. I use my blog as a sort of cathartic place to rant and as a virtual diary of my life.

Dear Blog Diary,

I am feeling better, but have still had some struggles lately. I don’t feel like I did when I was living in the deep darkness, but I have been overwhelmed. I know everyone feels this from time to time, but I must admit, when it happens to me, I get really scared that I am getting sick again. So, that is the first thing I must deal with.

My daughter came to her father and I and informed us that she has been purging. I couldn’t breathe. How did I not know? How could this have happened? What did I do wrong? I have realized that I did nothing wrong, missed nothing and can only adjust and move forward from here. Turns out, she was harboring a LOT of anger toward her father and I, and she felt abandoned and unloved. That, I did do. Not on purpose, as I was drowning in my own darkness, but I wasn’t communicating openly with her and she turned it into feelings of abandonment and lack of caring. With the help of therapy, TONS of talking, and an abundance of love, I am happy to say we are ALL doing better. We will continue to monitor and seek professional help, but she is on the way to recovery and we are on the way to being an even stronger family. Oh, and she had her first car accident. Scared the shit out of me, but everyone was fine and all vehicles are fixed and running again.

My son has lost his job. Well, not technically until the end of the term, but they have cut his program from the budget. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this will only lead to bigger and better things for him. He is an incredibly bright young man and will find a way to succeed, no matter what life throws at him.

Work is work. Crazy, busy, unpredictable and exhausting. However, for the first time in a couple of years, I come home exhausted, but not in tears, so that’s a positive, right?

A rough winter has led to several new additions to the To Do List. Ice dams caused leaks in the roof. Roof shedding took out a fence. The heaving of ice and snow pushed out several joist supports on the deck. And the holes in the chicken coops and play house must be fixed. Mother Nature was a REAL BITCH this year.

My marriage is better than EVER! We have been to hell and back this past year and come out of it stronger and more connected. I wasn’t sure we could ever resume our D/s, but we are both finding it to actually be easier and deeper than ever before. Thank you for sticking with me Sir.
Like I said, not much time for writing, but some juicy stuff in process. I know what I want to write, now to just find the time. My mind has been full, but just as dirty and disturbing as ever.

We have also had WONDERFUL things happening, Trips with friends, another friend, who battles with depression and PTSD that is winning his battle, A London trip in the future. Life is really good. Crazy, but REALLY GOOD! All for now, I must get ready to see friends!

XOXOXO

Your Wilderness

blog-post-2-19-2017-your-wilderness

Your wilderness can be harsh
It is often unforgiving and merciless
Wrought with stringent demands and exacting punishments
Strict, remorseless, sever and breathtakingly primal.

On occasion, Your wilderness is a picturesque scene
Beautiful, quiet and utterly serene
I can bask in the light of Your tranquil presence
And float away in the still of Your peaceful soul

Your wilderness always leaves me feeling protected
In Your sheltering arms and insulated control
I’m left loved, cherished and unconditionally treasured
And I know true security and safety absolute

Within Your wilderness, I can surrender
Relinquish, yield and submit to Your bestial domination
All restraint is abandoned and vacated as I cede to Your commands
And Your wanton, shameless, unrestrained courtesan is allowed to run free

Love Letters #2

love-letters

This is something I thought would be fun for the month of February. I have captured some of the correspondence between Professor and I that I wanted to share. They make my heart melt every time I read them. Hope they will bring a smile to your face too.
*********************************************************************

An Email from Sir to Miss Amelia:

Yes, make sure you stay busy doing “important” things today. Do not take too much time to think of me. Don’t pause and let your mind drift to my hands sliding softly, then firmly around your neck from behind. Do not be tempted to think of my breath alongside your face, and the feel of my fingers threading into your hair to tilt your head back with a firm pull, putting your wet lips up where I can kiss them. Best not think too much about what the rope I am shopping for might look like, or feel like….about how I might cut it into 10-foot lengths, using each one to bind a part of your surrendered body, leaving it exposed, vulnerable, and totally at my whim. Best not imagine how my breath will quicken at the sight of your submissive eyes looking up into mine, or how my cock will hunger to explode all over you, leaving you marked and smelling of my scent. No, best you concentrate your mental energies on “important” things today, because time is coming when you won’t be able to think of a single other thing……

-Sir-

Love Letters #1

love-letters

This is something I thought would be fun for the month of February. I have captured some of the correspondence between Professor and I that I wanted to share. They make my heart melt every time I read them. Hope they will bring a smile to your face too.

***********************************************************************

An Email from Miss Amelia to Sir:

You are consuming me. My mind, heart, body and soul. I feel myself disappearing in my need for you. I want our bodies touching, caressing, teasing and tasting as we consume all the oxygen from the room. I want to give myself to you, as I’m claiming you as my own. MINE! MINE! MINE! Never a more beautiful word spoken. Never a truer sentiment shared. I LOVE YOU SIR! Xoxoxo

A Reply from Sir to Miss Amelia:

Oh Miss…. The consumption ensnares us both. I am listening to music, and finding some slice of you in every note and verse, some manifestation of us, some arrow that points me to where my heart and soul belong, to you, with you. I FEEL you inside my arms, and I draw from that feeling such an energy and peace. I feel the air warm as the fire of passion grows the closer we get. And I can never get close enough. Even entwined and inside you, I hunger to be closer, to make you a very part of me. Amelia, I am not whole without you. I am stronger, better, more capable because of the love you have given me. GIVEN, of free will and unbridled desire. As you feel yourself disappear in your need for me, know that I am pulled by the same gravity, and that when we disappear into one another, we will both be found. MINE….beauty and truth wrapped into a single syllable.

I LOVE YOU AMELIA!

-Sir-

War Paint

blog-post-1-30-2017-war-paint

I EARNED it!!
I bled for it
I hurt for it
And I wore it like a badge of honor

You GAVE it!!
You tortured me for it
You pleasured me for it
And You left your signature across my skin

We BASKED in it!!
We reached nirvana for it
We had to be cleansed for it
And We will revere the memories forever

Fuck Me Until…

blog-post-1-5-2017-fuck-me-until

Fuck Me until I can’t walk
Fuck Me until I can’t talk
And leave me spent
Whimpering
In a driveling
Puddle

Fuck Me until I’m worn out
Fuck me until there is no doubt
That I can’t take it
For one
More
Second

Fuck Me until it’s scorching hot
Fuck Me until I beg you to stop
And call out for respite
From my repeated
Peaks
Of ecstasy

Fuck Me until I safe word
Fuck Me until I’m barely heard
Tell me I’m a Good Girl
Then do it all
Over
Again!

Denied!

blog-post-12-21-2016-denied

It’s been a busy couple of weeks for us. Long hours at work, out of town visitors, holiday parties, a mini vacation, school functions, and virtually no alone time. Of course I’ve been horny, whiny, demanding and needy because of it and finally expressed my displeasure to him that I needed more touch and foreplay when it came to bedroom activities.

Yes, the “wham bam thank you ma’am” sex has been great and I’m not left unsatisfied. But sometimes I need more, I need the build-up, the exploration of his fingers, the firmness of his hand, his voice in my ear… Well I got exactly what I asked for last night.

He grabbed me by the hair and brought me to him. Kissing me gently with his ridiculously soft lips, but hard enough that his whiskers were stabbing me in the face. His hand started to massage my scalp, causing me to moan in his open mouth.

Slowly he worked down my backside, from head to neck, rubbing….. shoulders to torso, caressing….. small of my back to ass, kneading…. finally between my spread cheeks to a wanting pussy.

His firm yet caressing touch went to that of a feather as he reached my core. Barely grazing them as he worked from clit to rosebud. Why, why, why do all my girlie parts have to be encased inside my swollen lips? I lamented.

I lift my ass trying to meet his touch, Denied!

I spread my legs, hoping my lips part, Denied!

I bare down and squirm, rocking and humping air, Denied!

I close my legs trying to trap his hand against my pussy, Denied!

He continues the delicious torture for what feels like hours. Finally, I can’t take it anymore and I say, “please baby” in a whiny voice.

No response, Denied!

He traces again, clit to ass, and up over my humps. A muffled “oh, God” is sworn into the sheets.

No response, Denied!

Firm hand squeezes my ass deliciously hard and then makes it way to skim the goods again.

“Baby!” I exclaim.

No response, Denied!

I start to kick and my frustration turns to tears.

He comes in close, lips against my ear. “You wanted touch, I’m giving it to you.” He growls.

I whimper from the heat of his breath and the sound of his voice, his fingers never stop tracing my throbbing lips and hungry ass.

“You wanted foreplay, I’m giving it to you.” He says.

Than I get a complete shut out when he tells me, “Tomorrow night I’ll take my pussy, but now it’s time for bed.”

No longer Denied!

His message has been received loud and clear. He will decide what I need and when I need it.

Period.

Written by Kristi at skiphopsexflop
I wrote that many moons ago in another life, another time… my best girl read it a few months back and her voice when doing so was absolutely captivating and sexy as fuck. it’s my hope she will read this again and do an audio recording for us. no pressure sugar!

Audio by MissAmelia at missameliaandsir
It was my ABSOLUTE pleasure to record this wonderful piece written by my Good Friend. Hope you enjoy. XOXOXO

Rebirth

blog-post-11-23-2016-rebirth

Out with the veiled
In with the new
My rebirth
Won’t include you.

Years and experiences
Love and great laughter
Were shared in the past
But not from hereafter.

You will always hold
A special place in my heart
But we no longer work
And I must depart.

When we are together
I feel hidden on a shelf
I refuse to remain concealed
I must reveal my true self.

I wish you only the best
Out on your own
But you will no longer
Be my home.

Good-bye.

**Please know this was inspired by a conversation with a friend and that Professor and I are doing just fine.

Quick Check In

blog-post-11-13-2016-quick-check-in-1

Just thought I would give a quick update of where I was in controlling my crazy.

I’m FUCKING GREAT!!!

Don’t misunderstand, life is NOT perfect, but it is so much better. Finally discovering and admitting that I was suffering from depression was a serious blow to everything I thought about myself and my life. I have discovered that I am NOT super-human. I am NOT invincible. I do NOT have to meet every need of every person I ever come in contact with. I can NOT do everything by myself. I do NOT have to say yes to every request for my time and attention.

I have learned that I CAN say no. I AM a good person even when I do say no. I CAN ask for help and accept it when I need it, even when I don’t. I AM perfect with all my imperfections. I AM a good person and I deserve good things.

There have been steps backwards and will be hard times ahead, but for the first time in a LONG time, I’m ready to face them. The recent election has proven that to me. The results broke my heart, but they didn’t break me. In fact, they only increased my resolve to continue to get stronger and fight harder.

My marriage has taken a turn for the better too. My husband NEVER left my side, but things did get really rough. Whenever we tried to address anything, my body reacted by going to sleep, sometimes mid-conversation. It was my brains response to feeling overwhelmed. Now, we are talking as deep as, if not deeper than we ever have and I have no need to snore mid-sentence.

I wanted to share this because so many of you have contacted me and sent such warmth and love, that I wanted the opportunity to say thank you and let you know your wishes have only helped me recover and grow stronger. It is wonderful how love can provide so much more strength than hate ever could.

For anyone that might be suffering from depression or just feeling out of control and heavy, GET HELP!! You are NOT crazy, you are just sick. I think mental illness is better understood now than at any other point in history, but there is still a resistance to address is openly by many, including me. Just because my illness was in my head, doesn’t make it any less damaging than if I had cancer or a major traumatic injury. Know you are NOT alone and there IS help out there. If you don’t find it in the first place you look for help, keep looking. Life can be better, happy and worth living again, PROMISE!!

blog-post-11-13-2016-quick-check-in-1

So THANK YOU to everyone out there for reading, commenting, loving and supporting me through this. Now I’m finally feeling ready to getting back to the TRULY important things, writing fun, sexy stories! 🙂

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