missameliaandsir

Thoughts on an ever-evolving life

Loss

Blog Post-5-13-2017-Loss

First:
You don’t believe
You can’t accept
You refuse to acknowledge
You become numb

Then:
It hurts
It aches
It burns
It damages

Next:
You cry
You scream
You question
You mourn

Eventually:
Searching for acceptance
Searching for condolence
Searching for comfort
Searching for a safe place for the memories to live

Finally:
Remembering
Smiling
Accepting
Forever Loving

Blog Post-5-13-2017-Loss2

All my Love to C XOXOXO!

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Zip It!

Blog Post-5-11-2017-Zip It!

OMFGAWD!!
I DID IT!!
I CONQUERED THE ZIP LINE COURSE!!

For those who don’t know, this Bitch is TERRIFIED of heights. Always have been. Recently, since coming to terms with my own depression, and helping my daughter battle hers, I have decided to say “Fuck It” whenever possible, and practical. SO, this last weekend, when Professor and I went away for a much needed couple’s weekend, I planned a surprise. We went to a 5 line course near where we were staying. He couldn’t believe I was even going to attempt it, and actually, neither did I. This is where my new “Fuck It” attitude came into play.
As my knees knocked and my stomach tried desperately to purge itself of all contents, I suited up and did the first short zip. Our guides were AFUCKINGMAZING and helped me fly. It was easy and I was smiling when I reached the end.
We were informed that we had to have a Zip Call Name, so I quickly became Vixen. No surprise there.
The second zip wasn’t too bad either. A little higher and faster, but completely doable.
The third zip sent you even higher, further and ended up in a tree on a platform. I must admit I was beginning to shake even more, but I did it.
The fourth zip took you through the tree tops and was the longest yet. I had already come this far, so I flew again.
Now comes the fifth zip. That son of a bitch is 44 feet further than a quarter mile, and sails you way up over the tree tops. The picture above is actually of that run. I decided I wasn’t going to chicken out now, so I took a deep breath and jumped. My heart was racing even faster than I was whizzing along, but the views were spectacular, the wind in my face was glorious and as I arrived on the other side, Professor greeted me with a HUGE smile, hug, kiss and possibly a tear threatening to overflow. To see the pride on his face made every shaky moment TOTALLY worth it!
Would I do it again you ask? The answer is yes, but can’t say it’s something I plan on doing on any kind of regular basis. I conquered a fear that has held me back in the past. I still have fears, and probably always will, but from now on, sometimes, I’m just going to say “Fuck It” and Fly!!

Spring

Blog Post-5-11-2017-Spring

Winter’s bitter white fades
Slowly giving way to the green buds of new life

Rivers energizing along their frozen shoals
To thunder again with rushing animation

Song birds returning home
Fledging their legacy anew

Forests, valleys, hills and mountain tops
Burst to life with the genesis of spring

Flip Flop Rumble Roll

Blog Post-4-21-2017-Flip Flop Rumble Roll

I flip, flop
I rumble, roll
I swirl, spin
I just don’t know

I can’t think clearly
I can’t make sense
I can’t come to conclusions
It’s all becoming too intense

I won’t break
I won’t cry
I’ll keep it together
If only on the outside

I can do it
I can succeed
I can conquer
Or I will bleed

Happy

I am Happy Today!! Hope you are too!! 💋💋💋

What do You have to offer?

Blog Post-4-10-2017-What do You have to offer

When asked, what do you have to offer me, you replied with things like wit, humor, charm, foot massage, coffee, handyman skills and other attributes that are wonderful, but aren’t the things you TRULY offer me. Here is a list of some of the things I think about:

Your eyes…

When they stare at me, I swear they are stripping me naked, body and soul bared. Yet, I feel safe, protected, cared for and loved.

Your mouth…

Your smile can light up a room and those lips, DAMN those lips, can shoot an electric charge through my entire body with the lightest touch.

Your tongue…

The taste is indescribable and its talent in my mouth is rivaled only by its talent as it licks through my delicate folds.

Your hands…

They trace, touch and tantalize every inch of my body. The moment they move, my skin cries out in longing and want for more.

Your cock…

It is the thing my daydreams and fantasies are made of. It has graced my mouth, skin and the deepest, darkest recesses of my hunger.

You…

Truly, that’s all I really need.

I Don’t Know…

Blog Post-4-6-2017-I don't know...I don’t know
What I have done
To deserve you
In my life

I will ensure
Whatever it takes
To be worthy
In your eyes

I can’t fathom
What stars aligned
To bring your light
Into my darkness

I shall provide
Whatever you desire
To be given
In my submission

Me

Blog Post-4-2-2017-Me

Take me
Tear me
Use me hard
Twist me
Bind me
Leave me scared

Whip me
Thrash me
Make me cry
Degrade me
Destroy me
Watch me fly

Please me
Pleasure me
Please don’t quit
Claim me
Chain me
Watch me submit

Share me
Display me
Declare me whore
Dominate me
Own me
Call me yours

 

*I am very sorry to say that I don’t know the name of this artist.  If you do, please let me know so I can give credit or remove it at their request.  Thank you.

Tickets PLEASE!

Blog Post-4-2-2017-Tickets PLEASE 2!.jpg

We have a group of friends that will be attending Burning Man 2017! The main sale was this last Wednesday. I am SO SAD to say that we are short some tickets. They sold out 30,000 tickets in 34 minutes. If ANYONE knows ANYONE who purchased tickets, but won’t be able to attend, PLEASE let me know. We are looking to purchase for face value. I am not going to support scalpers who purchase as many as they can just to resell for a HUGE profit. Thanks for whatever you can do for us, even just sending good thoughts is MUCH appreciated. XOXOXO

Blog Post-4-2-2017-Tickets PLEASE!

Life

Life keeps happening. It keeps happening no matter what your plans are or how much you could REALLY use a break. It happens no matter what you want or what you think you deserve. It happens, and we just have to embrace it and roll with the punches.

I have wanted to write for SO LONG now, but life has seemed to preempt any attempts that I have made to do just that. Today, I am going to tell life to kiss my ass for the next ten minutes so I can get this done. I use my blog as a sort of cathartic place to rant and as a virtual diary of my life.

Dear Blog Diary,

I am feeling better, but have still had some struggles lately. I don’t feel like I did when I was living in the deep darkness, but I have been overwhelmed. I know everyone feels this from time to time, but I must admit, when it happens to me, I get really scared that I am getting sick again. So, that is the first thing I must deal with.

My daughter came to her father and I and informed us that she has been purging. I couldn’t breathe. How did I not know? How could this have happened? What did I do wrong? I have realized that I did nothing wrong, missed nothing and can only adjust and move forward from here. Turns out, she was harboring a LOT of anger toward her father and I, and she felt abandoned and unloved. That, I did do. Not on purpose, as I was drowning in my own darkness, but I wasn’t communicating openly with her and she turned it into feelings of abandonment and lack of caring. With the help of therapy, TONS of talking, and an abundance of love, I am happy to say we are ALL doing better. We will continue to monitor and seek professional help, but she is on the way to recovery and we are on the way to being an even stronger family. Oh, and she had her first car accident. Scared the shit out of me, but everyone was fine and all vehicles are fixed and running again.

My son has lost his job. Well, not technically until the end of the term, but they have cut his program from the budget. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this will only lead to bigger and better things for him. He is an incredibly bright young man and will find a way to succeed, no matter what life throws at him.

Work is work. Crazy, busy, unpredictable and exhausting. However, for the first time in a couple of years, I come home exhausted, but not in tears, so that’s a positive, right?

A rough winter has led to several new additions to the To Do List. Ice dams caused leaks in the roof. Roof shedding took out a fence. The heaving of ice and snow pushed out several joist supports on the deck. And the holes in the chicken coops and play house must be fixed. Mother Nature was a REAL BITCH this year.

My marriage is better than EVER! We have been to hell and back this past year and come out of it stronger and more connected. I wasn’t sure we could ever resume our D/s, but we are both finding it to actually be easier and deeper than ever before. Thank you for sticking with me Sir.
Like I said, not much time for writing, but some juicy stuff in process. I know what I want to write, now to just find the time. My mind has been full, but just as dirty and disturbing as ever.

We have also had WONDERFUL things happening, Trips with friends, another friend, who battles with depression and PTSD that is winning his battle, A London trip in the future. Life is really good. Crazy, but REALLY GOOD! All for now, I must get ready to see friends!

XOXOXO

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