missameliaandsir

Thoughts on an ever-evolving life

Archive for the tag “Recovery”

Loss

Blog Post-5-13-2017-Loss

First:
You don’t believe
You can’t accept
You refuse to acknowledge
You become numb

Then:
It hurts
It aches
It burns
It damages

Next:
You cry
You scream
You question
You mourn

Eventually:
Searching for acceptance
Searching for condolence
Searching for comfort
Searching for a safe place for the memories to live

Finally:
Remembering
Smiling
Accepting
Forever Loving

Blog Post-5-13-2017-Loss2

All my Love to C XOXOXO!

Zip It!

Blog Post-5-11-2017-Zip It!

OMFGAWD!!
I DID IT!!
I CONQUERED THE ZIP LINE COURSE!!

For those who don’t know, this Bitch is TERRIFIED of heights. Always have been. Recently, since coming to terms with my own depression, and helping my daughter battle hers, I have decided to say “Fuck It” whenever possible, and practical. SO, this last weekend, when Professor and I went away for a much needed couple’s weekend, I planned a surprise. We went to a 5 line course near where we were staying. He couldn’t believe I was even going to attempt it, and actually, neither did I. This is where my new “Fuck It” attitude came into play.
As my knees knocked and my stomach tried desperately to purge itself of all contents, I suited up and did the first short zip. Our guides were AFUCKINGMAZING and helped me fly. It was easy and I was smiling when I reached the end.
We were informed that we had to have a Zip Call Name, so I quickly became Vixen. No surprise there.
The second zip wasn’t too bad either. A little higher and faster, but completely doable.
The third zip sent you even higher, further and ended up in a tree on a platform. I must admit I was beginning to shake even more, but I did it.
The fourth zip took you through the tree tops and was the longest yet. I had already come this far, so I flew again.
Now comes the fifth zip. That son of a bitch is 44 feet further than a quarter mile, and sails you way up over the tree tops. The picture above is actually of that run. I decided I wasn’t going to chicken out now, so I took a deep breath and jumped. My heart was racing even faster than I was whizzing along, but the views were spectacular, the wind in my face was glorious and as I arrived on the other side, Professor greeted me with a HUGE smile, hug, kiss and possibly a tear threatening to overflow. To see the pride on his face made every shaky moment TOTALLY worth it!
Would I do it again you ask? The answer is yes, but can’t say it’s something I plan on doing on any kind of regular basis. I conquered a fear that has held me back in the past. I still have fears, and probably always will, but from now on, sometimes, I’m just going to say “Fuck It” and Fly!!

Flip Flop Rumble Roll

Blog Post-4-21-2017-Flip Flop Rumble Roll

I flip, flop
I rumble, roll
I swirl, spin
I just don’t know

I can’t think clearly
I can’t make sense
I can’t come to conclusions
It’s all becoming too intense

I won’t break
I won’t cry
I’ll keep it together
If only on the outside

I can do it
I can succeed
I can conquer
Or I will bleed

Life

Life keeps happening. It keeps happening no matter what your plans are or how much you could REALLY use a break. It happens no matter what you want or what you think you deserve. It happens, and we just have to embrace it and roll with the punches.

I have wanted to write for SO LONG now, but life has seemed to preempt any attempts that I have made to do just that. Today, I am going to tell life to kiss my ass for the next ten minutes so I can get this done. I use my blog as a sort of cathartic place to rant and as a virtual diary of my life.

Dear Blog Diary,

I am feeling better, but have still had some struggles lately. I don’t feel like I did when I was living in the deep darkness, but I have been overwhelmed. I know everyone feels this from time to time, but I must admit, when it happens to me, I get really scared that I am getting sick again. So, that is the first thing I must deal with.

My daughter came to her father and I and informed us that she has been purging. I couldn’t breathe. How did I not know? How could this have happened? What did I do wrong? I have realized that I did nothing wrong, missed nothing and can only adjust and move forward from here. Turns out, she was harboring a LOT of anger toward her father and I, and she felt abandoned and unloved. That, I did do. Not on purpose, as I was drowning in my own darkness, but I wasn’t communicating openly with her and she turned it into feelings of abandonment and lack of caring. With the help of therapy, TONS of talking, and an abundance of love, I am happy to say we are ALL doing better. We will continue to monitor and seek professional help, but she is on the way to recovery and we are on the way to being an even stronger family. Oh, and she had her first car accident. Scared the shit out of me, but everyone was fine and all vehicles are fixed and running again.

My son has lost his job. Well, not technically until the end of the term, but they have cut his program from the budget. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this will only lead to bigger and better things for him. He is an incredibly bright young man and will find a way to succeed, no matter what life throws at him.

Work is work. Crazy, busy, unpredictable and exhausting. However, for the first time in a couple of years, I come home exhausted, but not in tears, so that’s a positive, right?

A rough winter has led to several new additions to the To Do List. Ice dams caused leaks in the roof. Roof shedding took out a fence. The heaving of ice and snow pushed out several joist supports on the deck. And the holes in the chicken coops and play house must be fixed. Mother Nature was a REAL BITCH this year.

My marriage is better than EVER! We have been to hell and back this past year and come out of it stronger and more connected. I wasn’t sure we could ever resume our D/s, but we are both finding it to actually be easier and deeper than ever before. Thank you for sticking with me Sir.
Like I said, not much time for writing, but some juicy stuff in process. I know what I want to write, now to just find the time. My mind has been full, but just as dirty and disturbing as ever.

We have also had WONDERFUL things happening, Trips with friends, another friend, who battles with depression and PTSD that is winning his battle, A London trip in the future. Life is really good. Crazy, but REALLY GOOD! All for now, I must get ready to see friends!

XOXOXO

Dear 2016

blog-post-1-4-2017-dear-2016

Dear 2016,

I just wanted to drop you a quick letter to let you know how much you have meant to me. I knew our time together was limited, but we were able to pack SO MUCH into our quick 365 days.

We started off the year with quite a bang, when you delivered a little infidelity and a death into my life. It cost me a Grandmother and what I thought was a friend. It almost cost me a marriage, but luckily, that was saved. It was a truly cruel joke to play, but by playing it at the beginning of the year gave us plenty of time to work through it.

The way you orchestrated such AMAZING things for my daughter was quite brilliant. The wins at Drama Districts and then having her compete at State made for a magnificent experience. Watching her perform on stage was lovely. Her love of the outdoors and animals was nourished by your choices. Can’t say that I was thrilled when you made our daughter eligible to drive. And finally, thank you for your choices in friends for her. I approved.

As for my son, you let him travel rather unscathed this year, until you decided to crash him and his truck into that lady. I didn’t particularly appreciate that, but at least you let everyone walk away, so thank you for that.

You took my husband and myself on several wonderful trips.
We were able to visit our crazy friends in Colorado. I knew she was crazy before we went, but after meeting in person, I have decided he must be too. Either that, or he is up for Sainthood, but knowing the things they do, I doubt that is the case.
We got to hang with my Soul Sister and her husband both here and at their house. Bringing them into our lives was quite the gift. You know EXACTLY what you had planned for us, and what we did! THANKS!!! 😉
When you gave us the two week camping trip, I must admit, I was skeptical. Two weeks in a trailer? Well, you were right and it was AFUCKINGMAZING!! You provided Good Friends, Lots of Laughs, Awesome Music and time to work on repairing your beginning of year gift. All were Priceless.
Burning Man was a last second surprise! All I can say is WOW!!!

The people I you peppered throughout the year were such a wonderful variety of flavors. Crazy in Colorado. Zesty in Arizona. HOT and Spicy under my covers. Tempting in California. Tantalizing in Tennessee. Mouthwatering in Montana. Delectable in Michigan. Georgia is a Peach (schnapps of course). Nutty in New England. And the flavors go on and on. YUMMY!!

The biggest bombshell of the year was when you finally made me realize that I was suffering from severe depression. I think you were in cahoots with 2015 and possibly 2014. I appreciate you putting an end to the cruel joke and getting me help. Make sure 2017 knows everything so we won’t have to tell 2018 anything.

This year you provided laughter, tears, terror, relief, confusion, clarity, anger, happiness ups, downs, goods, bads and, most importantly, LOVE. LOTS and LOTS of LOVE!! I won’t say I’m happy to see you go, but I also know you can’t stay. I hope that 2017 will provide even more adventures to enjoy. Thank you 2016. I will NEVER forget you.

Love & Memories
Me

The Awakening

A Friend of mine posted this on her blog.  It is private, so I had to copy and paste it here.  It moved me to tears because it describes what I have been experiencing perfectly.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

The Awakening
DECEMBER 18, 2016 ~ KRISTI
in a recent post about death i spoke about how i experienced an awakening and i wanted to share more about what that felt like. i did not pen these words but i very well could have as they describe exactly what happened to me and when i read them for the first time, there was very much a yes, Yes, YES exclamation that i was not alone in what i was feeling. i hope that you can find the same comfort and strength in this as i was able too.

The Awakening ~ Sonny Carrol

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it … When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out “ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.” And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective.

……….This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something or someone to change, or for happiness safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” You realize that much of who you are and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about :

– how you should look and how much you should weigh,
– what you should wear and where you should shop,
– where you should live or what type of car you should drive,
– who you should sleep with and how you should behave,
– who you should marry and why you should stay,
– the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family,

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin re-assessing and re-defining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect ,and that not everyone will love appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK… they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a “perfect 10″…. Or a perfect human being for that matter… and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that it is truly in “giving” that we receive, and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating” and “contributing” rather than “obtaining” and “accumulating.”

And you give thanks for the simple things you’ve been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about – a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors, including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you’ve learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships – how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through… and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren’t done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns – anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say “I was wrong” and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO. You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships, and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet “your” standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself” and “on yourself.” Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know – Self Love. And so it comes to pass that, through understanding, your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve, and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God… but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees, because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time – FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears, because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY… the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. And a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

I Know You Can’t See It

Sad face of a man with closed eyes

I know you can’t see it
How special you are inside
It’s obvious to those around you
But the sadness lingers in your eyes

I see the confusion and doubt
The aching across your face
You would forgive and give to others
But for yourself, you allow no grace

I will spend the remainder of my life
Showing you that you are a truly amazing man
And I’ll hope and pray for your happiness
As I walk with you hand in hand.

**I wrote this for a very special friend of mine who suffers from depression and PTSD.  As someone who recently came to terms with my own depression, I want to encourage ANYONE and EVERYONE who is suffering in silence, to seek help.  You AREN’T alone and you don’t have to continue to feel this way.**

Crazy! Sick! Stupid! Recovery!

blog-post-9-30-2016-crazy-sick-stupid-recovery-6

For the past year I have been sinking deeper and deeper into a dark fog.  I kept telling myself that I just needed to get my shit together and everything would be just fine.  Even when I could hold it together for a while, it would all come crashing down and leave me feeling more alone, worthless, empty and sad than the time before.  I actually thought I might be going insane.  But, since that was NOT an option, I continued to try and push through.  Like last November, when I hosted a houseful for Friendsgiving.  Having everyone around was always one of my favorite things, and this time was no different.  However, after everyone had completed the gluttonous meal and sat around laughing and talking, I excused myself.  I went back to my bedroom, retreated to a corner of my closet, sobbed uncontrollably, wiped my face as I stood up, went into the bathroom to splash my face and touch up my make up, then walked back out to the party and began serving pie.  Nobody was the wiser, except me.

blog-post-9-30-2016-crazy-sick-stupid-recovery-stretchedIt all came to a climactic head recently.  I had felt like I was being crushed harder and harder by some invisible weight.  I would get unreasonably angry with my husband for no real good reason.  I would cry at the drop of a feather.  I would go to work during the week, accomplishing next to nothing, and retreat into my bed the second I got home and remain there for the entire weekend.  My husband and I were driving home from dropping off our daughter, and arguing, about what I have NO idea.  We were just about to pull into our driveway, but he kept driving past.  I was FURIOUS!  “LET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING TRUCK!!”  He said he wasn’t done talking with me.  So, I opened the door and climbed out onto the running boards and decided to jump.  I guess I didn’t really decide, because I have no idea what I was thinking.  Luckily, my husband grabbed me by the back of my shirt, ripped me backwards into the truck as he hit the brakes.  He was terrified and so was I.  He held me firm as he drove around to our driveway and let me go.  I stormed into the house.  Again, not sure what I was thinking except that everything was dark, heavy and hopeless.  What came next was completely unexpected.  I took my nails and dug a chunk of flesh out of my arm.  Seeing the blood trickling out left me stunned.  I NEEDED HELP!

blog-post-9-30-2016-crazy-sick-stupid-recovery-1

I went to my therapist, which I had started seeing with my husband to try and fix our marital issues.  She quickly saw that I needed more help than a bit of extra exercise and talking could fix.  A friend of mine forwarded me a well know test for depression levels and I took it.  I was gob smacked when I scored at a level of Severe Depression.  He informed me that most people at that level were non-functioning.  I just joked that it just meant I was AFUCKINGMAZING because I was functioning just fine.  However, the bandage on my wrist said something different.  I was very lucky to get in with an amazing Psychiatrist very quickly and he diagnosed me as severely depressed and prescribed something to help me sleep and an anti-depressant.

blog-post-9-30-2016-crazy-sick-stupid-recovery-1

This is where the Stupid happened.  I was SO EMBARRASSED!!  What the FUCK did I have to be depressed about?  I have a great husband, two healthy and happy children, a lovely home, a good job, a wonderful family and spectacular friends.  I had really thought that I was just failing to get my shit together.  And the thought that I had in ANY way harmed myself made me want to vomit.  I have kids, for God’s sake.  I wanted to hide it all.  I threatened my husband that if he said anything to anyone, I’d never forgive him.  The bandage was just covering a burn and NOBODY needed to know about the ballet on the running boards.  It wasn’t until I saw my husband’s face, as he told me that he wouldn’t say anything, but he NEVER wanted me to EVER expect our own children to come to us when they had a problem.  The thought crushed me, so I began talking.

Blog Post-9-30-2016-Crazy Sick Stupid Recovery (2).jpg

I am now a ways into my medication and have decided to continue to speak openly by writing this and posting it here.  I have spoken with my mother and she was terribly worried about me, but also relieved because this helped explain why our relationship had been so strained.  I have talked with my kids.  I did not tell them about the exact events of that night, because I don’t think they need to worry about that.  I have told them that I am suffering from some depression and I am also getting help for it via some medication and therapy.  I am talking with friends and have found that this is SO MUCH more common than I ever knew.  In fact, when I told a friend that I worked with what was happening, her eyes began to tear and she said, “Could you please send me that test?  I think I’m having something happening to me too.”  I just hugged her as we both cried.  I am happy to say that she has begun seeking help since.

The BIGGEST part of my recovery is happening through my husband.  That man….I don’t have the words to describe what he has done for me and means to me.  We have suspended our D/s for now.  Although, as I just typed that, I’m not sure we have.  I am pulling myself back together within his strong and loving arms.  When I am frail and fragile, he is my safety and strength.  Every night, he tucks me into bed and rubs my feet until I fall off to sleep.  If I fall asleep on the first foot, he continues onto the second foot as I sleep.  If that isn’t Dominance and Absolute Love…nothing will EVER be.

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If you find yourself feeling off, heavy, dark, foggy, distracted, disorganized, confused, overwhelmed, dazed, unfocused and/or sad, PLEASE GO FIND HELP!!  You are not weak because you reach out.  This wasn’t something I did or didn’t do.  It was an imbalance that I had no control over, but it COMPLETELY controlled me.  I never thought this would happen to me, but it did.  Now, I choose to take back my life and for the first time in over a year, I feel hopeful and happy, and it feels GOOD!!

blog-post-9-30-2016-crazy-sick-stupid-recovery-1

Reconn”text”ing

How are you doing?
I’m just fine.
Want to try again, one more time?

I don’t know.
It hurts too bad,
To remember all the fun and love we had.

I know Baby.
It hurts me too,
But I can’t help but constantly need you.

I need you too.
My body aches.
The thought of you makes my insides quake.

Then let’s try,
And do it right this time.
How about we meet and share some wine?

I don’t know.
I’m really scared.
You left me last time, bruised and bared.

This time will be different.
I promise you more.
I’ll give you my love and attention galore.

You promised me that,
Several times in the past.
I’m afraid that again, this just wont last.

No guarantees in life,
Can I make you today.
Except that I love you, and promise to stay.

Once more I’m giving you
A chance at my heart.
If you break it again, forever we’ll part.

I’ll treat it with care.
And I promise my dear,
That we have forever, starting right here.

To Hell and Back: The Other Woman

Blog Post-7-19-2016-To Hell and Back-The Other Woman 2

In the greater scheme of my life, the woman my husband slept with has become completely insignificant to me.  I have not uttered a word to her since the morning before she slept with my husband, and I never will again.  Oh, it’s been hard not to tell her EXACTLY what I think sometimes.  I did write a post about her on March 28, https://missameliaandsir.wordpress.com/2016/03/28/it-took-nerve-to/ .  It was actually not so much about her, but an outlet for some of my anger and frustrations. She has continued to attempt to insert herself into our lives several times since.  I don’t even care to go into much detail, as I am refusing to give her ANY power anymore.  I am going to move forward and have no regrets leaving her in my dust trail.

The relationship between all of us was very long, 30+ years between Professor and her and 20+ years between her and I, and full of many ups and downs.  She was recently served divorce papers from her husband on their 30th wedding anniversary.  She has been spiraling ever since.  In my post, you will read about a few of the actions she has taken that I have had a very hard time with, fucking my husband of course being the most disturbing.

Professor has completely removed her from his life too.  It’s funny, but I feel kind of bad about that.  Not many people have a 30+ year friendship to talk about.  He has never once complained about it though.  He has done everything to show me that I am his priority and she was just a one night drunk fuck.

I am sure she will continue to pop up in our lives.  She sent me a text the morning after everything happened, while my husband was on his way to find me.  It said, “Sorry.  Hope we can talk about it soon.”  Six weeks later she sent an email outlining all the things she thought that I had done wrong, informing me that she had already apologized and wouldn’t be doing it again.  I kind of thought that 20+ years of friendship deserved more than a 30 character text.  I knew right then, without a doubt, I was DONE!  She has been telling people bold face lies about me, but at this point, if they choose to believe her, whatever.  She sent another email about a month and a half ago, informing us that she had no desire to ever speak with us again and wanted nothing to do with us ever.  Of course, she sent this email while sitting on my father-in-law’s couch.  She had driven 9 hours down to where he lived to spend a weekend.  They only knew each other via my husband, but she thought this was appropriate.  He called Professor after she left and informed him that she was crazy.  I just want her to go away and stay away.

What I have learned from all of this is that you need to pay close attention to who your REAL friends are.  I hadn’t been happy with her in my life for a very long time, but I maintained the friendship for my husband.  He had just accepted her and her husband for who they were, and I tried very hard to do the same.  However, I never got anything of real value back, and am now sorry that I wasted all those years trying to nurture something that didn’t deserve it.  It’s important to do things and accept some things just because they are important to your spouse, but make sure you don’t do it at the expense of your marriage or yourself.

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Diary of a Brown-Eyed Dancer

. . . life as I live it

Fictional Kevin

Cigar Fueled Creative Writing

Siren Whispers

Siren Song

thecarpetburns

being lonely in a big world

27 Spankings

Being Daddy's good little girl!

XandrewX

XandrewX. I hope there's a little something for everyone

JackCollier7

Charming, cultured, generous, honest, sophisticated, understanding, and urbane.

27spankingsdaddy

"Daddy Loves His Good Little Girl"

This is my kinky life...

This WordPress.com site is so much fun

myatheistlife

How one atheist sees life